|
|
Monday, January 10th, 2005
|
|
|
|
my life has been great this pass couple of months no complains finally i have a new girlfriend god she is so great and i got me a job a quik trip yay. I start skool next week awesomeness i feel like my life is going places now its a great feeling. ahhh just really happy with everything debbie hasnt call yesssssssssssss thats awesome.
|
|
Monday, October 25th, 2004
|
| Time: | 2:37 pm. |
| Mood: |  cheerful. | | Music: | vermillion- slipknot. |
|
"Vermillion"
She seems dressed in all the rings
Of past fatalaties
So fragile yet so devious
She continues to see it
Climatic hands that press
Her temples and my chest
Enter the night that she came home
Forever
Oh (She's the only one that makes me sad)
She is everything and more
The solemn hypnotic
My Dahlia, you're bathed in posession
She is home to me
I get neverous, perversed when I see her to worse
But the stress is astounding
It's now or never she's coming home
Forever
Oh (She's the only one that makes me sad)
Hard to say what caught my attention
Fixed And crazy, Aphid Attraction
Carve my name in my face, to recognize
Such a pheromone cult to terrorize
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
(Yeah!)
I'm a slave, and I am a master
No restraints and, unchecked collectors
I exist throught my name, to self ablige
She is something in me, that I despise
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
SHE ISN'T REAL!
I CAN'T MAKE HER REAL!
SHE ISN'T REAL!
I CAN'T MAKE HER REAL!
(She isn't real, I can't make her real)
i love this song!!!!
|
| Subject: | to you |
| Time: | 12:39 am. |
| Mood: | awake. | | Music: | killswitchengage- end of heartache. |
|
|
i want to be normal again and i know you do too. lets make it happend soon just come back to me i love you
|
|
|
|
Everything means nothing anymore. i hate my job, i hate the way i live. im alone and the irony to that its that i do have a girlfriend i hate the way everything is the only thing that meant everything to me was seeing debbie again and talking to debbie again but now she hates me now because she thinks that im out having sex all the time cause i made a mistake i regret it only hapened once but i dont expect her to belive me she doesnt anyways. i wish everything was ok i want my debbie back and i know everything will fall into place im ready to quit my job and move out all for her but nothing is good enough i just hate myself and the choices i make. i miss you and i love you
|
|
Tuesday, April 13th, 2004
|
|
|
|
alright whats with the bullshit i mean i try so hard but nothing debbie doesnt care its always like "why are you doing this" or "why am i always to blame" she needs to realized this isnt high skool anymore i mean, whats with the fucking games? i though she loved me, wanted to be with me all of it is bullshit. Here i though that she reall wanted to give us another chance but no she didnt all she wants is to keep this back and forward shit with jasmin well fuck that i fucking hated it then and i hate it now. I know that since im basically just taking her out of my life she will end up with jasmin and marry her and have tons of kids lol
|
|
|
|
well im finally done, she has left my life and i can belive that she thinks im fucking with her, why? can't she understand im finally not. Im being truthfull she waited to long, and she played with my head for to long. I told her but she dont care about anything but what she thinks. Ill miss her but im moving on and she has to. Jasmin can treat her good and she wants to be treated good. I hope debbie doesnt fuck this up. Let her love you like you want to be loved. And John please fuck off i dont about anything you have to tell me i could careless if you were alive so just leave me alone.
|
|
|
|
all i need is for debbie to take her name of the lease and she is out of my life forever and thats what i want i mean the more i think about it she doesnt need me and i fuckin hate her so it works out great and i dont even know why i stayed with her for her to fuck up over and over again. Anyways and im class being bored and today i should expect a phone call from yep Kayla she is going to call me and well see what happends hopefully i can forget debbie forever she is to much now drugs and lesbianism wow i sure know how to pick them hope she has the best life ever lol
|
|
Wednesday, March 31st, 2004
|
|
|
|
ok fuck this shit for now i have really realized how much i fucking hate debbie and how much she has fucked up everything from the begining she wants to be a so call "lesbian" then go ahead i fucking dont care anymore what ever she does with her fucked up life she didnt care from the begining or she wouldnt have fucked up everything. My life is making more sense now im back in skool going to be someone great ive started to sing more hopefully i can get a band together and live my dream and if a girl comes in my life then thats great if she doesnt thats fine too im just going to stressed about it.
|
|
Sunday, February 15th, 2004
|
| Subject: | stars |
| Time: | 4:08 pm. |
| Mood: |  frustrated. | | Music: | twisted method - shine. |
|
|
Lately things have been going crazy me and lisa broke up cause i know i didnt like her that much i just needed some comfort which i know its fuct up but thats what i did and now and all along i wanted debbie but i didnt let my heart believe that i just use old memories to let her go which now i wish i didnt cause i really think and know that she is the only girl for me and i love that and she did treat me good i just took her for granted and i really want to be with her and i would do anything to be with her. She is going out with jasmin now but i know she doesnt want to be with her cause i can make debbie happy not her she can try but i know i can she just has to give me another chance ill let her be herself and show her a whole new me and give her anything she wanted, show her the world. Ive been talking to her lately and i missed her so much i just want to be with her i will make her belive i will show her im back and that she equals me.
|
|
Tuesday, January 27th, 2004
|
|
|
|
life is ok now debbie is going with jasmin again which i knew was going to happened why do you think i broke up with her cause i knew if i stayed she would eventually go with that whore again so yeah i dont care though if that is what makes her happy then good for her i tried to talk to debbie just to see how she was but no she didnt respond so i dont know im just trying to be her friend like i told her i would be so yeah but anyways besides that im really slacking in school i noticed that i just dont like it i find myself not doing the homework anymore and just not caring i dont know why i started eating less too and i dont know why work is ok i dont care to go anymore either but its ok i dont mind home i like living with john its just it would be better if we had a roomate Christie a girl from work said she might move in that would be freaking great cause she is soooo cool and Things with lisa are doing good so far will see how things go me and shane have form a really strong friendship its really cool and hopefully soon jen will start talking to me again i really miss talking to her and just having her as a friend well thats all for now
|
|
Tuesday, December 30th, 2003
|
| Subject: | Life |
| Time: | 5:11 pm. |
| Mood: | cheerful. | | Music: | Linkin Park - Dont Stay. |
|
|
I have had a couple of life altering things happened recently me and debbie arent together anymore, i just finally realized i didnt want my life to be like that i need something more and i just dont feel the same way about her anymore my feelings just slowly faded away i dont know how to explain it i just cant trust her or talk to her and its just bad to me and i couldnt take it but she still thinks we are going to get back together and thats bothering me cause she doesnt get it i just want my own life if want to go out with my friends i shouldnt have to tell her or tell her where im going if i like somebody else thats my business not hers right? you guys tell me if im wrong but i belive that this will be better for me. Anyways i did good in school my job is going great i just like being by myself and just being free i belive ill find someone who will treat me the way i want to be treated im not saying debbie didnt treat me right but it was more bad then right so yeah well just write me back tell me what you guys think
|
|
Wednesday, December 3rd, 2003
|
| Time: | 3:55 pm. |
| Mood: |  amused. | | Music: | Spineshank- Violent Moodswing. |
|
Today was like any other day, but then again it wasn't today I went to all of my classes and then Steve was walking with Marshall and the other dude and Steve bluntly shouted out that some chick was doable, not knowing that they just passed the copy machine with some chick inside, the girl thoight it was her, but it was not, because Steve didn't get a good look at her to see if she was doable, and now I'm sitting in class with Steve rambling about Metroid Fusion and no... I haven't seen any doable chicks in here, as a matter of fact they are like a carpenters dream, flat as a board and easy to nail. Oh Well... Now I'm begining to work on my final and I still haven't done my report for english, I'm going to be in really deep shit if I don't do my stuff already. Well, now with all this said in conclusion I haven't seen any doable chicks today except that one hot peice of ass Carolyn in wed color theory class, Steve has class with her, but we will not disclose Steve's original name, we'll pretend his name is Steve, so therefore we don'
t really know if his name is Steve or not. My g/f just called my wondering about my website, now Alex is telling me that his g/f is calling him and he's saying "Steve stop... stop... look.. I've got a missed call, it's my g/f Debbie." Now you are all really confused and well... you should be Ha HA Ha }=o)> who is this typing, why am I still reading this? These are questions that I cannot answer for you, and now Alex just asked how fast I can type I think my GWAM is like 65 with only two fingers? Impressive? Naw... maybe notAlex just called me gay, brb I'm gonna have to shove his face in the girl's toilet after some fat broad just took a dump. As if you guys didnt know that was my friend steve he was bored so he wanted to tell a story ok bye for now
|
|
Tuesday, December 2nd, 2003
|
| Subject: | Tired |
| Time: | 9:41 pm. |
| Mood: |  crazy. | | Music: | Hoobastank- Out of Control. |
|
|
Im at home supposed to be typing this stupid 5 page research paper and im making up most of the stuff anyways so yeah im kinda bored so yeah i still need to do some christmas shooping i hate shooping the rest of the year but for christmas its different i enjoy it for some weird reason. Things between me and debbie are ok i just wished i knew what is going to happened like if i could just take a glimpse in the future you know work is getting better now but i hate are new senior manager but besides that is good i hate school now its just such a bother to go now i dont know i hate it so yeah thats whats going on.
|
|
Wednesday, November 26th, 2003
|
|
|
|
I havent written in awhile but its because i havent had acccess to a computer now im a computer class i can write. Everything so far has been good my school is awesome classes seem to long but its ok, my job its getting better now that im getting to know the managers and stuff i dont have to be so shy and stuff and things between me and debbie are good. Our phone bill is close to $500 and its mainly because of me so that sucks but hey i have to learn im sick too that sucks i always get sick during the holydays. Today i found out my aunt died back home and that makes me sad but im not feeling to sad because i didnt know her i only met her like twice does that make me a bad person? cause i dont know if it does
|
|
Monday, October 6th, 2003
|
|
|
|
last night i close and it sucked but whatever it didnt seem like it was taking forever cause i was always doing something so yeah but anyways i have to pack so much stuff today i hate packing i dont know why but i do
|
|
Thursday, October 2nd, 2003
|
| Subject: | calm |
| Time: | 2:09 pm. |
| Mood: |  calm. | | Music: | ill nino - this times for real. |
|
|
ok today i went to my orientation for school and it was boring but im more calm about the whole school thing it doesnt seem that bad anymore i start on tuesday i have no classes on monday so that is cool but i go to school on friday nights so that sucks bad but hey whatever ill make the best of it
|
|
Wednesday, October 1st, 2003
|
| Subject: | fun |
| Time: | 9:25 am. |
| Mood: |  determined. | | Music: | ill nino - unframed. |
|
|
i got this new game for my gamecube is super smash brothers melee ive been playing that game to much at jairos i just had to get it damn that jairo lol no jairo is like the coolest but yeah im trying to get better but its really hard but hey im practicing oh yeah and the new ill nino cd fucking rules you should all like ill nino they are so good!!!!!!!
|
|
Tuesday, September 30th, 2003
|
|
|
|
OMG! i bought the new ill nino today actually i bought it last night but it turned out to be the wrong one so today oh my god its like so good i freaking love them to dead i used to be like that about korn but i started not liking the new stuff it wasnt that good but i listed to ill nino and i know they are kind of a new band but i freaking love them so much not in a gay way but they are so good oh my god ill shut up now
|
|
Monday, September 29th, 2003
|
| Time: | 1:49 pm. |
| Mood: |  optimistic. | | Music: | ill nino - unreal. |
|
|
Well its only like a week away its kind of scary but in a good way worked sucked this weekend but whats new i dont really care its just work at least is money i got my orientation in like 4 days for school thats kind of scary but i guess ill manage i missed soulfly i mean i liked them but im just mad i didnt get to see the guitarist from ill nino play with them thats why im mad! but whatever ill get to see ill nino in awhile i guess OMG!!! the new cd is tommorow i cant wait even though i already know all the songs i just want it so bad i freaking love them in totally different way yep
|
|
Friday, September 26th, 2003
|
|
|
|
well yesterday was cool i bought a microwave and anthony bought the shower curtains and the towels and debbie bought the tupper ware it was fun at least we know we have them now yep life is getting better tommorow i get to eat breakfast with the coolest people i havent hung out with them in so long i miss it! i dont know it will be cool i cant wait and i work early in the morning too but hey whatever at least i get out earlier thats all i care about so yeah woohooo for me!
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
illnino36's journal
energetic.
angry.
anxious.
content.
sick.